Long days and even longer nights..

So as always I am awake in the middle of the night. I dont know what my deal is with sleep here lately.. but it needs to stop.
We went to Amarillo this morning and turned in the last of the paperwork on our end, still waiting on the credit report to come back. Hopefully all that was taken so long is talking to Leisa about us renting here, but who knows. I think they called her Tuesday or Wednesday so maybe it will be back on the 3rd by the time the underwriter gets to look at our loans.
I talked to Dr. Ramos office about me having muscle twitches at night. They were going to put me on 2 different meds becuase I had forgot to tell them that Dr Weber had put me on Abilify. So they just me on a muscle relaxer. I talked to Dr Weber and he said he thinks its just stress. I hope so becuase the other end of that would be lupus messing with my central nervous system and especially since im pretty sure Dr Weber attributes my moods to something auto immune. He also said that he thought me feeling like shit and getting light headed may be due to being out of the phentermine (diet pill) so I got everything refilled and im going to start taking them tomorrow. Its either that or once again, stress.I have to quit taking the hydros becuase he said they were addicting and so are the xanax but I need them right now, so hes making me stop the hydros. Damn. =) TOTALLY JK Dont startgoing around accusing me of shit lol.Im actually glad hes starting to take me off something even if its just one. I am tired of all these pills. I would rather just be on the immune suppressant.
On a side note, my dog begs me for ice. How many of you know that dogs that eat ice? haha GOODNIGHT! 

Its a deal!

We made a deal today! They offered 93 paying up to 3200 closing and the 380 something for the insurance on the appliances and heating and air and septic tank and all that good stuff, also leaving the bar stools and cabinet that I wanted left! Hopefully they will leave the 4 wheeler and stuff since their down sizing and probably wont be using it anymore. I have to take papers to Amarillo tomorrow for the loan and they are going to fax a copy of the contract.. we are almost done! We had some problems getting an employment verification of all the things we could have trouble with.. Hopefully I got it straightened out today and we wont have to wait for it come time for the loan.
We finally had a pretty day where the kids could play outside. I didnt remember how much I enjoyed the kids playing outside, until it was so quiet inside and I could make phone calls to the realtor and about the loan without them getting in trouble constantly.
Overall a pretty good day! =)

Good day!

I felt so good today even though I didnt sleep good last night! Our heater went out again and I had to plug in the floor heaters and our breaker usually blows when we have them on so I guess I was worried about the alarms not going off for Cody to go to work, well that and the damn dog laying on me! I cleaned and mopped the whole house except for the kitchen, and then washed all the bedding, then I cooked spaghetti and made a chocolate cake for Cody to take to work tomorrow that says, "Happy New Year!"
They counter offered on the house today. They accepted paying up to 3200 in closing costs, leaving the bar stools and shelf that was Tishas dad's when he lived there and everything else including the time line to wait on the loan, except they wanted 95 instead of 88. So we countered with 91000. I hope they will come down some, I really dont think I want to pay 95 when the outside is awesome and the house needs so much to me. The barns are probably the nicest part of the whole thing! lol The house isnt bad just outdated I guess.. just needs some paint and my touch and it will be a great home! Ive already got plans for all the rooms except the kids/guest bathroom. I cant decide if I want to go with something more kiddish or simple since its the guest. I am definitely putting "Get Naked" on my bath tub! lol I am going to go soak in a hot bath speaking of! Yall have a great day!

..wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand

Today was a pretty good day. We went and looked at that house again. I dont know if the house is worth it, but for Cody the barn, shop and land are definitely worth it. We made an offer after we went and looked at it, maybe no news is good news that they didnt reject it already!
Ive felt ok all day today. I finally got my antibiotics called in and picked em up, and had my blood checked. My white count is a little higher still about half what it should be, and my platelets are at 82. They have came up from last Monday from 75. My monocytes are still high and some other things are still low, but over all im pretty good. Dr. Periman said that if we couldnt get it cleared up that I needed to see an infectious disease doctor to get it taking care of, so hopefully this is my last round with Staph,I dont need another doctor! They also said I was probably getting nauseous (sp?) and headaches from being mentally and physically exhausted with worrying about everything and my body constantly fighting this infection. Maybe that is all it is, becuase ive been feeling like shit.
I hope all of yall reading this had a good day and feeling good! Those of us with autoimmune diseases know how precious a good day can be! =)

I just want to be fixed

I am nauseated and have a headache and itchy tonight. I dont know why someone cant just hear me say I just dont feel good and them say.. ok lets fix that. Instead of a fix they give me 20 million pills.. for stuff I dont even complain over. I JUST WANT TO BE FIXED

Happy birthday Jesus!

We had a great day today! We were told that the loan we were applying for did not give pre-approval letters so we could not make an offer on the house that we want until after the beginning of January.. A letter came in today pre-approving us for way more than we need! YAY! We still havent heard back on the short sale house, good thing we arent waiting on it still or I would be losing my mind. We will just turn down the contract when it comes back. My mom went to get my antibiotics today and they didnt have them called in. I dont know who dropped the ball, they were standing right there when he said he would give me antibiotics. So duh. go call them in! They wont be there this week either. Guess I will call the answering service on Tuesday. I swear nothing of mine comes without a fight.. not even a simple prescription for antibiotics.I would rather have em in an IV anyways. Maybe I can talk Periman into it.
The kids opened their presents tonight and loved every single one of them! Well, all except my sisters little bugs that walk! They were very scared of them! lol They loved their leap pad thingys and im glad. I think Hailey will learn alot from hers becuase she can see it really good and it uses all her senses.
Laundry is calling my name.. and so is bed!

...to accept the things I can not change.

This is my first entry. I decided I needed a space that was mine, not my kids, not my husbands, just.. mine. To sum 2011 up for me, I almost got a divorce twice, and was diagnosed with several autoimmune diseases. Im sure someones years has been much worse, but for me, this has been the worst year of my life. But for an opener, maybe I shouldnt be so depressive. Im going to go back and fill in blogs from before until now so maybe we can all understand me alittle more, and maybe I can find some peace in myself through myself. Im going to try not to go back and delete the bad days, I need to remember them for the good days.

Another one really....

Today I was frustrated. I have ANOTHER Staph infection. This is getting really old and I am so tired of pills. I just want it to be over. Its not fair I have this problem and its not fair that Im always on the shit end of the stick. Fuck this im going to bed.- Is basically how I felt at the end of Thursday. Cody said you dont always have to be mad at the world, I said I dont always have to feel like shit and be tired and have low blood counts and reoccuring infection but I do so i can hate the world if I want to! Everyone is going to be closed Friday and Monday for Christmas so im going to call Tuesday and see if Periman will help me with me white count before the end of the year when my deductible starts over.

hmmmm

So I go in scared of this stupid biopsy on Monday. Its snowing outside and just gloomy period. I go in and my platelets are at 75!! He decides my blood looks good under a microscope and that my platelets are kind of leveling out. I DONT HAVE TO HAVE THE BIOPSY!!! YAYYYYYYYY! My white count is still half of what it should be, but im just glad to be left alone.

YAY!!

Today I step on the scale and I have lost almost 30 lbs! I have lost all my prednisone weight plus a couple of lbs!!!!! What a good day!

Cancelled

They had made me an appointment for that next Thursday which I cancelled becuase I was running out of money for gas and the copay. Valerie called and I explained to her I was out of money and she said well dr. periman had planned on doing a bone morrow biopsy. WTF? Are you serious? Doesnt that hurt? She assured me I would be fine. Yeah right thats what you said about rituxan too.

Sunday

 

I went to the hospital Sunday for a cbc which was at 45. Maybe I did stop dropping??

 

I wont go into the specifics of today or tomorrow. But I was having panic attacks and the depression had hit me hard and heavy. It was a really bad 2 days. I just put it on here to remember days like this weekend, and be greatful when im not so depressed all the time. I went to the doctor that Monday and he put me Abilify to aid the antidepressant give me more energy. Its worked so far. It was just really bad..

Texas Oncology again...

I had to go to Dr. Esler becuase Periman was gone. My platelets are at 41. He decides he wants to see if im going to have a baseline. Basically that maybe my normal is lower than most others. Maybe ill stop dropping.

Drop

I had an appointment with my rhuematologists nurse practioner and was messing with my  cuticles and they bled forever. I finally had to ask for a band aid for a dang cuticle. Ive already had another staph infection and really worried about my white count and now im worried about my platelets again. She tells me that they are basically 95% sure that I have lupus but they do not want to give me that label until they are 100% sure. They dont seem concerned that I am still having to deal with alll of this while i wait on that last 5%. My platelets come back at 46000

Hailey

Somewhere at the first of December, Tisha is talking to a friend that is telling her about little kids that have trouble seeing and that they start to learn how to learn with different senses besides vision. They kind of have what we think is behaviorial problems becuase they learn with sound and touch so they are bouncy and loud. Ive swore Hailey had adhd since right after she turned 2. She got her first pair of glasses right after she turned 3. She is still failing her vision test at school even with the glasses. I am going to have her evaulated after the first of the year to see if maybe occupational and speech therapy can help her. Most parents dont like the idea of their kids having to have therapy and I dont think Cody does, but when you think something is wrong, and find out maybe its a simpler problem than you thought, then it sounds like a good idea to you.