One of the scariest days of my life

I decide that I am going to go into Texas Oncology and talk to Valerie and quit being a pussy about it. She assures me that is it not chemo and that I will be ok. I go in, have the IV put in, get a bag of fluids,  IV benadryl incase of a reaction, and oral tylenol. I had a little cough from whatever was going on with my chest so I didnt think anything about it after they started the rituxan and Im clearing my throat and coughing a little bit. O but the nurse did. He spun around like a gun went off with just a little tiny cough. I couldnt help but laugh and im sure he thought I was crazy. He turned my rituxan off and gave me more benadryl. I was instructed to relax and go to sleep. I tell my mom and cody that they can go do whatever they want now becuase I shouldnt have any more reactions with all this benadryl in my system. They leave and I go to sleep only to wake up literally feeling my chest and throat closing up. All I could say is Valerie its tight.. its tight. They immediately turned my rituxan off and gave me more benadryl. You would be surprised how much you dont freak out when this happens, maybe you know in the back of your head if you freak out you really wont be able to breathe. All I remember is my hands on my knees and concentrating on breathing and hearing my wheezing that was so loud it felt loud enough for the whole chemo room to hear. The benadryl was pretty fast acting and in a few minutes I could breathe normal but now it was time for my little freak out. OMG I JUST ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT! Im told that my body is not going to accept the rituxan and this is not going to be a treatment choice for me. All I can think of is Dr. Periman saying if this didnt work we would have to take my spleen out and I was not ready for that. I was so scared. Apperently my feeling like my wheezing was loud enough for the room to hear wasnt just me becuase he told me that he could hear it across the room after I woke up. I never want another treament again. I get home and feel like shit and im tired. O yeah, on top of the benadryl they gave me for the 2 reactions they gave me steroids in my iv on top of my steroids I had already taken for the day. I had 260 mg of steroids that day. I get home and I cant lift my head off the couch becuase the pressure is so bad in my head if I lift it I cant see. Im tasting so much blood and im afraid to go to sleep. I write down everything that Cody might need to know if I dont wake up or something happens with all the numbers and instruct him that they are not to give me anymore steroids in any form or ill hurt him.
I guess I need to tell you how rituxan it supposed to work. It kills the production of your B lymphocytes which is part of your white blood cell count. It is thought that these lymphocytes might be what is tagging my platelets for death and maybe we could stop it if we stopped the lymphocyte production. I am informed that it is actually "pretty kool" becuase it is a MOUSE antibody WRAPPED IN A HUMAN ANTIBODY. NO fucking wonder I am allergic to it, Do i look like a damn mouse to you?